SPRC's & Criticism

I have had to be a referree on a bunch of occasions as a pastor, and now as a District Superintendent. Lately it's been a full-time enterprise with churches and clergy dissatisfied with one another and wondering if a move should take place. I hear criticism and wonder, even ask, "Have you shared this with...?" Criticism really cuts doesn’t it? Even when it is supposedly constructive, by its very nature, it has to dismantle something before it can build back up. Have you ever been approached by someone asking your opinion about something and you know that if you really express how you feel that person will be slighted? We have all been in this position. What do we do? Do we lie and say what we think that the person wants to hear? Do we hedge things a bit and word our response in such a way that it goes down more smoothly? Do we dare ask, “Do you really want to know?” By asking the question we have already telegraphed our disapproval.

Caring enough to confront is a difficult proposition at best. If we don’t speak the truth we’re shirking our duty, and if we do we risk losing a friend. Aren’t we supposed to be critical sometimes? Without some judgment the world wouldn’t have standards of acceptable behavior. Christians are supposed to “speak the truth in love.” This is the key to a proper response to unacceptable behavior. Whatever we say or do must be infused with love!

How do referees stand the criticism that they take? Instant replay doesn’t seem to help. Second guessing has increased. The announcers take sides on which way they think that the call will go and exacerbate the controversy. A referee’s plight reminds me of what former hockey goalie, Jacque Plante, said: “How would you like a job where, if you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and eighteen thousand people boo?” Does this imply that there is some truth in the adage: “If one person calls you a donkey, pay no attention to him. But if five people call you one, go out and buy yourself a saddle.”

Some of us, however, referees included, have been saddled with unfair criticism. What to do? Here’s the answer: GET OVER IT! What’s new? This is the way we human beings operate so get used to it. It doesn’t make it right, but it certainly is the way things are. And criticism is often the very thing that we need to hear. Thank God for Moms and Dads who have lovingly instructed their children in what’s right and wrong. However, as Norman Vincent Peale put it, “The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”

So, learn from the experience. However vile the source of the criticism, let it work for you rather than against you. Glean whatever you can from the suggestions and do what you think is right. This response to criticism gives you both a listening ear and autonomy. You take the criticism, but you have the autonomy to do what you will with it. Criticism always comes more easily than craftsmanship. It’s a lot easier to tear down than to build up. Some people find fault as if it were buried treasure.

So hear your critics out and then move on. Thousands can offer their public opinion polls about you and they might still be wrong. Change the worst, improve the best, and don’t take everything so personally. Remember the biggest room in the world is the room for improvement. The ultimate answer to criticism is that you only answer to God. God is the final Judge. If you dislike criticism so much don’t do it yourself. Guard your thoughts and assessments. Triangling other people into your spat with a common friend only makes things worse. Sure, nothing gives you more in common more quickly than finding out that you dislike the same thing, but is this really helpful? My advice: Mind your own business, “Speak the truth in love,” and maybe more importantly when you feel unjustly criticized, “Hear the truth in love, too!”

Too Christian to Tell the Truth

High anxiety and the tyranny of the urgent is what I'm feeling because I have just opened all of the Advisory Response Forms about potential pastoral moves. Clergy exist for churches, not the other way around, but I want what is best for both. Sometimes I feel the adage as truth: "If I could buy someone for what they're worth, and sell them for what they think they're worth, I'd be a millionaire." Some of us clergy have unrealistic expectations about the appointments or churches that we deserve. This lack of realistic expectations sets us up to be disappointed or disappointing.

Part of the problem is we're "Christian," which means we don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Pastors tell SPRC's that the DS is making them move. Some even tell their families that it's my fault. Then there's the lack of truth-telling that SPRC's do. They don't really want to tell their pastor what they think, and they end up giving an innocuous non-helpful hail-fellow-well-met do-nothing evaluation without "speaking the truth in love" about what makes us clergy more effective in that given context.

I'm doing SPRC training this weekend, and I'm going to lay it on thick about SPRC's doing their job so I can do mine for their church's sake and the clergy's sake. It is going to be an interesting year to say the least. Pray for wisdom, grace, clarity, and truth on everyone's part. It's all about Jesus and growing the Kingdom, not a "protect the fishbowl" for the churches or a "take care of each other" mentality for clergy. It's about effective Kingdom-building.

Inauguration & Football

Football and President Obama have a lot in common as I think of our motto, e pluribus unum, “Out of Many, One.” There are lots of players on the field and staff to coach those who dare to step on the gridiron. As a republic of citizenry we know all too well the country doesn’t fare well unless we pull together. The historic election of President Obama has taken a team effort to battle racism and naysayers. Tomorrow’s inauguration is a celebration of who we are as much as it who Obama is, but back to football as my main analogy-engine.

Now we know that the Steelers and the Cardinals will play in two weeks in the Super Bowl. George Will says that “Football combines the two worst things about America: It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.” Yeah, right, but I still love football. It has great analogies for life, especially those committee meetings. If we would all huddle up more often and get our heads together, wouldn’t the world be a better place? It takes teamwork to play successful football. Individual stars and goats are part of the action, but it’s ultimately a team sport.

So is life. I first heard my friend and fellow SC UM pastor, Dr. Ted Walter, use this story. A mule named “Jim” was being driven by his owner. It was just the one mule “Jim” who was hitched up to the wagon, when the driver yelled “Giddyup, Jim. Giddyup, Sue. Giddyup, Sam. Giddyup, John. Giddyup, Joe. As the wagon started to move, one of the passengers said: “When Jim is the only one there, why did you call all those other names?” The owner replied: “If Jim knew he was the only one pulling this wagon, he'd never budge an inch.” It takes teamwork, even when it just God and us. That’s a pretty good team, by the way! What is the doctrine of the Holy Trinity but an affirmation of teamwork: One in Three and Three in One.

Life is better when we have relationships with others, work together, all pitch in, and accomplish things. In family life or any other communal atmosphere everything is a “we” thing. I like the Walt Disney Company attitude. If you work at Disney you’re not an employee, but a “cast member.” Each one of us is that important.

I had to decide how important it was last week for me to attend the meeting of the Southeastern Jurisdiction Committee on Episcopacy in Jackson, Mississippi. After all, a lot of our churchy meetings are usually same-old-same-old from start to finish. It was a long way to drive even at today’s lower gas prices to just “meet and greet” your fellow heads of delegations, but the only way to build camaraderie and fellowship that will get us through a quadrennium of supporting our jurisdiction, annual conferences, local churches, and bishops is to be present with each other. We covenanted to pray for each other and two of us were assigned as partners with bishops to pray and support one another. Lynn Powell from North Georgia and I were assigned Bishop Tim Whitaker from Florida. We want to do what it takes to develop real community.

Dr. Scott Peck of Road Less Traveled fame talks about building community by saying it happens though stages. The first stage is called “pseudo-community.” Pseudo-community is when you get together and there are hugs all around, chit-chat, hail-fellow-well-met surface falderal. It’s not real community, however, if it stays only on the surface. The next stage that does get at the hidden agendas and real needs is “chaos.” Chaos happens when we’re really honest with each other and get things out in the open. After chaos comes “emptiness,” a stage in real community building where people lay aside their own personal wishes for the larger good. The result is real community. Teamwork is a no-brainer for football, republics, presidents, and life!

Daisy-Pickers Miss Real Worship

As a District Superintendent I go to church a lot, mostly for meeting or the sneak-in visits that are par for this time of year. Tomorrow is when churches and clergy have to turn in their “Advisory Reponse Form” indicating whether each would rather stay put or try something or someone new so I drop in a lot to see how things are going. This is not, however, conducive to healthy spiritual life. I find myself sitting in church pews this time of year grading rather than sitting in gratitude. I'm plucking petals from God's daisies of love and essentially saying "I love Him!" or "I love Him not!" with more of the latter than the former.

We love rituals, especially church ones! They give us a sense of order and structure in our otherwise chaotic existence. When we can’t focus or concentrate, we can at least remember the words of the 23rd Psalm or the Lord’s Prayer. When all else fails, we are able to recall the rituals that have sustained us over the years. Their routine nature is precisely what gives them their staying power when adversity strikes.

But most of us abhor anything that is routine. Even in interpersonal relationships we want to spice things up every now and then. Yet, what works better than what has already worked? As someone once said, quite appropriately, “Where water has once flowed it can more easily flow again.” How true! After a year of drought and parched earth, the rains don’t easily cut new channels. They flow down familiar paths. Aesop did say, however, “Familiarity breeds contempt,” but, I dare say, the familiar is exactly what we long for when the rains come tumbling down.

But worship has changed over the years. The liturgical reform movement of the 70’s has continued to this day. It has pushed innovation in worship. Though reluctant at times, we have experimented with new things like contemporary Christian music, Holy Communion by intinction, and “passing the peace” during worship services. Some new-old things have been accepted more easily than others. Children’s Sermons, Advent candles, Chrismon Trees, and the use of the Paschal Candle have pretty much been welcomed.

It’s good to try new things while honoring the old. Jesus had something to say about this when he spoke of new wine in old wineskins. Unfortunately, the common errors of the church are: 1) Confusing tradition with truth, 2) Confusing rhetoric with reality, 3) Confusing practice with presence. Like the Laodiceans in Revelation 3, who had confused their practice with God’s presence, we also can get so busy that we miss what's truly important - not what we do, but to Whom we belong. Therefore, our traditions must be infused with Divine Majesty. Empty ritual doesn’t cut it. For instance,George Barna, who does research on churches, says in his Index of Leading Spiritual Indicators, “Seven out of 10 adults (71 percent) say they have never experienced God's presence at a church service.” How sad!

No matter what we do in worship, whether timeless or entirely unheard of, it should highlight and celebrate the real presence of God. According to Ron Rolheiser in his book, The Shattered Lantern: Rediscovering The Felt Presence of God, “God is always present, but we are not always present to God.” Indeed, for God’s epiphanies to become less rare we should open ourselves to God. Old ways, new ways - who cares just so it happens! For those who need it, worship should rattle their very beings with power, or for others’ needs, soothe their souls with the greatest wash of calm ever experienced. Whichever we need, worship is the very place where God’s epiphanies should most easily occur and be recognized. No more Daisy-picking for me when I'm in church!

Risk It All for God!

It's been exactly a month since I last wrote anything. Crazy!? Yes, the holidays were hectic. My mother-in-law got sick. We've spent a lot of time on the road seeing the grandchildren, and... I'm not going to bore you with the details of 30 days of pre-Christmas, Christmas, and post-Christmas events, pottery-making, bowl game blues, New Year's hopes, and our first fake tree ever because we spent the entire 4 weeks on the road and need another 4 weeks of time off to feel normal. Plus, like everyone else, we're pretty bummed about the economy, wars, and everything else. Epiphany season is just in time plus the "Miracle on the Hudson." I need an Epiphany season to remind me that God can do the extraordinary- A "Miracle on the Broad, Congaree, Saluda, Wateree, Pee Dee, Edisto, Santee, Black, Savannah, Seneca, Pacolet, Catawba and whatever other Rivers there are in SC!" As we start ramping up for appointment-making, I especially need more than a few "Aha" moments so that we can make sense of the next to none retirements, hunkering down pastors and churches; i.e., few moves. It's going to be an interesting year to say the least. In spite of it all, my mantra for the New Year and how I'm going to sign off on all my emails is "Risk it all for God!"